my danger prone child

If I could wrap this sweet little angel up in a bubble wrapped ball and protect her from herself and the rest of the world I would! She had a rough couple of weeks in April and by rough I mean REALLY rough ... traumatic! It started with a double ear infection diagnosis after taking her in for her 18 month well baby visit. She had cold like symptoms but wasn't overly fussy, no fever, and hadn't been rubbing her ears or anything so I had no idea. I felt terrible.

Two nights later on a Saturday I had laid her down in her crib like I always do for bed time ... she doesn't always fall asleep right away and sometimes moves around in there but I knew something was wrong when I heard her cry out in pain. When I got in there I found her laying face down but no limbs were stuck in bars or anything. I carefully picked her up and she continued to cry. She was acting so rigid and we couldn't figure out if she had hurt her neck or back or something else entirely? After several minutes it was clear we needed to take her in and by the time we got down to the car she had loosened up in the back but had her right arm just clinging to her chest. We loosened the straps on her car seat as far as they would go to try and get it around her and I sat back there while Nic drove us to an urgent care.

At this point she wasn't in pain unless someone tried to move her arm so it quickly turned into a fun night out for her past her bed time with mom and dad. haha They had on cartoons, brought out bubbles, and gave her a green stuffed kitty to play with! Seriously the most calming, kid friendly, and incredible urgent care experience we've ever had!

 When the doctor came in she started her assessment with gently touching each of Lyla's arms while talking to her about the bubbles floating around the room. Then I noticed her grab her right arm pretty firmly and my eyes locked on to Lyla's face. I was consumed with her reaction and trying to console her while Nic watched the doctor completely twist her arm in two. She cried in the moment but I'm not kidding you, seconds later she was completely fine!!! Pain free and moving her right arm that was once clinging like a wounded bird wing to her chest! The doctor told us she had something called "Nursemaids elbow" and that it was extremely common in kids her age. Moments after the doctor re-set her dislocated elbow, she was handed a bubble wand to see if she would move it and it was like night and day difference. I can't even tell you how relieved Nic and I felt knowing our intuition to bring her in was the right thing to do and that it was the quickest fix we could have hoped for!

I was in shock taking this picture of her reaching her arm out to grab that bubble just minutes later ...

Unfortunately that wasn't the end ... three nights later she did it again. We had watched her on her baby monitor like a hawk for 48 hours making sure she wasn't wandering her crib and going to sleep soon after laying her down for bed. On the third night I stepped away from the monitor for 30 seconds to grab the load of laundry to be folded while I waited for her to fall asleep and I heard that awful piercing cry again ... sure enough, I went in there and this time, found her laying on her arm with it stuffed into the back of her diaper. Rushed her back to the urgent care and she had dislocated it again. The sweetest nurse came in between her vital check and the doctor seeing us and told me that she had a son this happened to constantly between the ages of 18 months to about 4 years old. She said that it happened randomly and anywhere so she had to always be prepared and that it could be the same for me too. She showed me how to re-locate it myself in a much less intimidating fashion than the doctor does it so that I would be prepared if it ever happened again. Thankfully it hasn't ... yet.

Another 2 days go by and now I'm just a neurotic wreck, completely stalking her every move. Lyla spotted a bird in our yard and was so focused on pointing to it and showing me, that as she stood up she lost her balance and fell flat on her face on the cement. Huge goose egg and bruised cheek. 

She has no fear and it is terrifying as a parent at times! Nope, scratch that, ALL THE TIME! With stairs, playground equipment, chairs, climbing, sailing down the driveway on the wiggle car, you name it, she has probably tried it. I love her so much and I just pray I can help her survive to adulthood! haha

every girl's worst nightmare turned into her dream come true

It happened to me about a month ago. I had gone to the grocery store that morning and anyone who is a mother knows, when you go to the grocery store with your small child in tow, things get a little chaotic. I remember flinging groceries into the back end of my car with reckless abandon in hopes to shave off a few extra seconds of having the back end leaking in cold winter air where Liam was sitting. The whining coming from the backseat was a tried and true sign he was clearly ready to go home too. Same story when I hauled in the groceries ... complete reckless abandon because I never want to leave him too long. Liam happily played on top of the brand new package of paper towels while I put everything away. I fed him lunch, laid him down for his nap, cleaned up the mess that was my bathroom floor (desperate times call for desperate measures when you are trying to get ready for the day) and was just about to sit down for the first time when I noticed it. 

MY WEDDING RING WAS GONE. 

I'm not sure if I've ever felt a more weighted sickness in my stomach before. I am definitely not one who becomes incredibly attached to material possessions because everything can almost always be replaced but my wedding ring? That exact same one can not. It is the one material thing in my life that I would be heart broken to lose. 

I did an immediate tail spin into an emotional wreck and began retracing my steps in our home as I kept crying out "No, this can not be happening" over and over again before I realized I needed to fall to my knees. Besides the prayers I shared with God while Liam was in the NICU, I don't think I have ever prayed so hard to find it. I wish I could say I stood up from that prayer convinced I would and overcome with peace but I wasn't. I called Nic right after that and naturally scared him half to death. If there was ever evidence that he loves me, it was that day. He rushed out of work to retrace every single one of my steps at the grocery store since I couldn't leave while Liam was napping. As I racked my brain for some sign, I remembered being over by the banana section of the store and hearing almost a tinking sound as if something metal had hit the floor. I remember looking around me but seeing nothing and simply moving on. That moment made me convinced I had to have lost it there. Almost 3 hours had gone by since I had left the grocery store and I was sure by now that if I had in fact lost it at the grocery store, that someone probably already found it by then and it was likely gone forever. While there are good people in this world who may turn something like that in, there are a lot of people I'm afraid who would not. Not a diamond wedding ring that to them was worth a lot of money anyway. But to me, it was worth so so much more. 

My sweet husband knew there wasn't much he could say to make me feel better but he stayed positive for me the whole time. "We can post pictures and take flyers to local pawn shops in case anyone turns it in. Don't worry yet." While he searched and searched the grocery store, especially that darn banana section, I tore apart my car and our entire house looking for it. I looked under seats, through the garbage can, every place I had stowed groceries, in toy bins, and nothing. The tears continued to fall and my heart grew sadder and more hopeless with each passing minute. And then it came to me, what I believed at the time to be my very last resort at home and the only place I had not looked. Right after I put Liam down for his nap I had cleaned up my disastrous bathroom floor. I remembered tossing my hair dryer in the cupboard underneath the bathroom sink thinking that there was a chance it might be under there. It was worth a shot to look. Anything was at this point because I was so desperate. This whole time I had kept praying that if I had lost it anywhere that it was in our home. I knew if it was, there was more of a chance it would turn up someday. I reluctantly opened that bottom cupboard and lifted up the hair dryer and there it was!!!!! Lying there amongst the cord. It must have slid off when I tossed my hair dryer under there and I didn't even notice. Just as fast as that devastatingly horrible sinking feeling that overcame me when I realized it was gone, it was immediately replaced with complete joy and relief!! SO MUCH RELIEF! 

It is every girl's worst nightmare to lose her wedding ring because it means so much more than just money invested. It symbolizes an eternal bond with someone you love. It serves as a constant reminder of the commitments you made on your wedding day to that person. It represents the life that we share together and all the joys and heartbreaks that come with that life. It is a physical representation of the start of a family, one that has already grown and will continue to grow. It is the one material possession that just can not be replaced because there isn't that exact same one out there. And while I know life would obviously go on without it, it is special to me and I can't even tell you how grateful I am that my prayers were answered that day and that I found it. 

Now, this story serves as a constant reminder to me to slow down. To not rush through my day as much and to always be grateful for the power of prayer, grateful for a husband who is my rock in hard times, and grateful that I share a love so deep that this beautiful ring represents. Because that right there is every girl's dream come true.       

... Taken moments after I found it ...

A little bit of courage

via

Going to college and getting my degree has been a dream of mine for as long as I can remember.
Of course, in the earlier years it was more encouragement from my parents to go, but as I got into high school it became MY dream.

While I was confident in my decision to go, I'm not sure I was prepared for the amount of courage it was going to take me.
Emotional courage - many tearful nights
Physical courage - sacrificing sleep, not so good for this 8-hour a night beauty sleeper
and even more scary,
Financial courage
I've learned to save and spend wisely and I believe spending my savings on education is a wise way to provide a prosperous future for my family.
When Nic and I got married I'll admit, I was lacking even more in the financial courage department.
But Nic is the level-headed calm one in this relationship.
He always knows exactly what to say to reassure me that things are always going to work out.

Two weeks ago I sent in a check to pay the balance of my spring semester.
I periodically would check back over the next week to see if it had arrived but when it was never entered I began to worry. Since this last weekend I've pulled it up first thing every morning followed by multiple times throughout the day and still., every time I found my remaining balance showing.

Here it goes, panic time.
Did my check get lost in the mail?
Maybe something is wrong with it and they are sending it back?
What if they drop my from classes, THEN what am I going to do.

All the while mister calm is telling me, "Meagan, stop worrying so much. It WILL get there."
Then all I wanted to do was yell back at him, "But it is not like we have thousands of dollars laying around that we can willingly fork over to these people in the event that something went wrong. We SAVE for these occasions ya know! (as if he didn't already know that). Do they have ANY idea how much people put on the line to get a degree, DO THEY? They are just money hoarders out to get us for all we are worth."

Woah, clearly it got to me.

This morning rolled around and I was feeling a new level of confidence.
I just new it HAD to be today.
After 1 minute of pure torcher going through the log-in process, there it was.
The news I had been waiting two weeks for.
Only not how I was expecting it to be.
Instead, I received a short message that went something like this:
Dear Meagan,
You have been awarded a one-time scholarship totaling the amount of $1,103.00.
I took a double-take just to be sure.
The scholarship was in the amount of EXACTLY what I owed.

My heart is FULL today and while I plan to give these generous people a proper thank you by mail, I want to thank them from the bottom of my heart here, because this is the place I feel the most like myself.
For me it was a miracle and one that I will never forget.

Having courage and faith that everything will work out is what makes dreams come true.
It has been what is making MY dream come true.
2012, you sure are good to me so far.

P.S. I STILL haven't heard hide nor hare about our actual check but do you think I care? Nope. Staying calm, worry free, not a care in the world. Because that is how I roll.
Okay, I'm going to go call them now :)

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First Time

There is A LOT I don't miss about being single but I think what I don't miss the most is being alone. It may sound ridiculous and sometimes it sounds even silly to say but I'm terrified of being home alone.

Tonight was the first night I spent alone since Nic and I got married and my evening went something like this....

I got off work and drove home in the typical 5:00 traffic.
Luckily I only live about 10 minutes away from where I work so it doesn't really take long to get home.
When I got there, I got a brief hello/goodbye kiss, a "how do I look" for my important business dinner tonight, a "what would I do without you" (after noticing a button was undone), and an "I love you" before the door shut behind him and he was gone.
I immediately felt disappointed that his work thing didn't involve spouses but I tried to ignore the feeling and went to cook dinner instead.
After cutting too much lettuce and too many carrots I remembered it was just me who would be eating at our little kitchen table tonight.
The kitchen had never seemed more silent.
As I'm eating away I'm thinking to myself, "Wow, do I really chew this loud?? I might need to work on this!" and then I remember, I'm the only noise in the whole room and I don't feel so bad anymore.
After I did the dishes I thought to myself, man that was a lot of work for just one person.
I couldn't stand the silence a second longer so I called my mom and talked to her until it was time to leave to do some visits for my church.
At the visits I chatted and chatted (something I'm really good at by the way) but also because I wanted to prolong it as long as I possible in hopes that I would find my hubby's car right next to mine when I got home.
I was sorely disappointed because I came back to not only a silent empty house but a DARK one.
Yes, I am a 21 year old woman afraid of the DARK. I admit it.
It is a HUGE fear of mine.
I hate being in the dark when I'm even with someone but when I'm alone, it is a hundred times worse.
What is probably a "normal" noise that I hear every day suddenly becomes this horrifying sound attached to something lurking in the darkness that is out get ME.
Man, it sounds silly when I write it down...

Lets just say,
I don't miss being single.
I don't miss coming home alone at night.
I know there is a FIRST for everything, but I hope this was also a LAST!


It was music to my ears when I heard, "Moo Moo, I'm HOME!"
...and he bursts through the door with this innocent smile that melts my heart every time, a plate of brownies, and roses.
Sorry ladies, this knight in shining armor is all mine :)