on loss

In times of trial, it just seems like the most natural thing and what brings about the most healing for me is to write. So here I am...

I had a friend pass away this week. The truth is, I haven't talked to this friend in at least a year or so but he was one of those people that made an impact on my life. So even though we haven't, it feels like just yesterday. He had this genuine big grin that I rarely ever saw him without. He was goofy and often times had me dying laughing because what he said may have been silly or may not have even made sense at all. Like the one time he told me something to the effect of, "I wish there was a ladder in the sky that you could climb up there and walk on all the stars and visit the planets."  It came out of the middle of nowhere in a quiet moment and while it may not seem totally funny now, at the time we were like what?! Haha There was also this time I went horseback riding at his house and he had provoked my horse so much to tease me before I even got on it that the darn horse eventually bucked me off in a pile of dirt and took off with Eian chasing after it over acres of land. ;) Must have been the way boys tried to flirt back then in high school.

But while a lot of the time he was silly, he also had his moments when he could be nothing but sincere. We exchanged letters while he served a 2 year mission in Japan and it was at a time in my life when I needed spiritual support and a friend to listen. Even countries away, he was there for me and from his responses in letters, I knew it. He was a wonderful person and an even better friend.

It is my hope that his final moments on this Earth were painless. As I laid in bed last night with a heavy heart thinking how life is truly so short and how tragic it is to lose someone so young, I felt a somersault in my tummy. I placed my hand on top of it and and felt it again. Four or five more times I felt my son bumping against my hand. It was the sweetest reminder to me that while life is lost, it is also created and that is such a beautiful thing. I'm grateful to know this life is not the end and we get to see the people we care about again someday. It is that knowledge that brings comfort in times of tragedy like these and is what keeps us going. I am praying for that same comfort to wash over and protect his family this week because I can't imagine what it would be like to lose a son or a brother. I know I will be holding those I love very tight. 

Eian Wintz, you will be missed.

"There are no true endings. Only everlasting beginnings." - Dieter F. Uchtdorf

24 weeks

I love the weeks that also mark starting a new month of pregnancy. Not only do they feel like hitting a big milestone every time but also make me feel like we are THAT much closer to meeting our little boy. So here's to 6 months!!

How Far Along :: 24 weeks
Gender :: Boy!
Belly Growth :: 41 in.
Maternity Clothes :: Loving skirts and dresses in stretchy fabrics right now.  
Belly Button In or Out :: In
Sleep ::  After being sick last week and hardly sleeping at all, I finally crashed and only waking up twice in one night felt like pure bliss.
Best Moment this Week :: Vitamin D working its magic while I took a cat nap in the sun on Saturday.
Miss Anything :: Exercise! I had to take a little bit of a hiatus after my cold last week. 
Movement :: My FAVORITE part of pregnancy! :)
Cravings :: ...
Feeling :: So happy and content!! 
Emotions ::  Because I know you are wondering on pins and needles, all happy emotions over here this week, the dresser fiasco is totally getting worked out. ;)
Looking Forward to :: Working actually ... I have so enjoyed my time off this summer. I've loved the time it has given me to relax while also getting tons of things checked off long to do lists that I know I will be grateful to have done come the end of August when I am going back to work. But I am also missing feeling that sense of purpose that teaching gives me. I have gone in a few times already this summer to start setting things back up again so I am not completely overwhelmed the week before school starts and it just feels so great to be back there.

lemonade inspired summer shelf decor

My kitchen shelves have only been up for about a couple of months now but I am already loving the extra decorating space! It was a little sad taking down the 4th of July decor a week ago but I'm just so glad that I don't have to say goodbye to summer along with it. And nothing reminds me more of summer than lemonade ...

Lemons, Wire Basket, Owl, Grey Frame - T.J.Maxx / Put on Your Prettiest Apron Print - Pen N' Paperflowers / Greenery, Cloche Jar, and Decorative Vase - Real Deals / Glass Bottles - Hot Sauce Bottles with Labels Removed / Zinc W - Anthropologie / Hand Written Lemonade Recipe / White Frame, Mason Jar, Yellow Stripey Straw - Things Around the House ;)  

23 weeks

Today I am writing this post from bed. Last night I had a little bit of a swollen and sore throat but I hoped it was just allergies. The up all night swallowing razor blades sore throat proved different. :( Boo. If there is one thing I hope this baby does not get from me, it is my immune system.

How Far Along :: 23 weeks
Gender :: Boy!
Belly Growth :: 41 in.
Maternity Clothes :: Long live maternity leggings which I happen to be living in today matter of fact! I also ordered a beautiful dress from ASOS Maternity that I plan to wear at my baby showers and am looking forward to it getting here.  
Belly Button In or Out :: In
Sleep ::  Pregnancy discomfort + razor blade sore throat = not so fab
Best Moment this Week :: Nic felt the baby move!!! I feel like I went from not being able to recognize it at all to feeling him all the time now and when we were laying in bed the other night, he put his hand on my tummy and felt the tiniest movement that if I hadn't confirmed he did in fact kick, Nic might not have even believed it happened. I love sharing this with him!
Miss Anything :: Still cooler weather! I tend to avoid the outdoors between the hours of 11 - 8 during the day but those evening walks we have been going on at about 9 as the sun is going down are heaven!
Movement :: Still tiny movements but I am feeling them more and more during all hours of the day. :)
Cravings :: I tried two new recipes this week, one was an Asian toasted sesame salad and the other was a frozen treat made out of graham crackers, yogurt, and berries. Both I will definitely be making again and SOON! Yum.
Feeling :: Like a cheerleader, baby is one whole pound already! 
Emotions :: That dresser that we ordered showed up in the mail this week. We opened the top of the box and discovered it was not in fact white like the website listed but cream. I went from happy as a lark to full on water works in about 30 seconds. haha Oh brother...  
Looking Forward to :: Baby showers that my mom and mother-in-law are planning! Just the invite list is enough to get me excited to see so many people I love at the same time. 

yard progress

What I really should have titled this post is "what we've been up to alllll summer" but yard progress is probably more positive and accurate. ;)

When we bought our house last summer, it was mid August and as any first time home buyer can attest to, we put pretty much everything we had into closing on our house that the empty dirt lot it sat on was not a huge priority at the time. So we left it for the winter with plans to work on it this summer. When March came around, the weeds came on full force! I can't tell you how many times I have weeded our yard since then but it is a good few handfuls. After getting a few estimates to have a sprinkler system put in, we decided to save money and do it ourselves. At the time it sounded like a GREAT idea and now that it is over I'm still so glad we did but if you would have asked us during the last couple months, yeaaaahhh notsomuch. It was a TON of work and most days, we felt way in over our heads. I'm just so grateful to have a handy husband and one who is also fabulous at researching everything he doe. It is because of these two things that we have a full working sprinkler system that turned out fantastic! Also thanks to a handy father-in-law as well!

 

Aaaanyway, back to the lot of work part... I am not going to lie, it has been really hard on this pregnant body of mine. Great exercise definitely but a lot of additional aches and pains for sure. Nic and his dad originally rented a trencher which would have been a huge lifesaver but it turns out it wasn't set at a low enough setting for the area we live in (which we did not know at the time) and if we didn't want our pipes to potentially freeze in the winter (that would be a negatory ghost-rider), we needed to make sure they were at least 12 inches deep. Cue the weeks of digging by hand which is honestly what made the project last as long as it did! Thankfully, after a couple months of working nights and weekends and many trips to Home Depot that looked something like this ...

It is finally finished!!

Prior to this little sprinkler project we decided to landscape with castle brick as well. Most of our neighbors have the river rock look goin' on and while there is nothing wrong with that, we wanted ours to look different than the rest. Castle brick requires nice clean even lines (hence why we love the look) but also takes longer to finish than plunking a few river rocks next to each other for a more natural look. On Saturday we finally finished, the backyard! As in working sprinkler system, flower beds finished (minus the flowers or trees in them which we will hopefully get on a good deal in the Fall), and planted GRASS!! We cheers-ed to a job well done with ice cream cones and have had a dance party four times a day when those sprinklers come on to water the seed. Here's to a luscious lawn back there in hopefully a month or so!

Now on to the weeding, de-rocking, castle brick straitening, rock and mulch planter box filling days ahead in the front yard.

But for now, lets just celebrate the backyard!!!! :)  

22 weeks

This belated 22 week update brought to you by 23 weeks and 2 days today. Our backyard was our focus this last week and it left little time for picture taking so two weeks of updates this week it is!

How Far Along :: 22 weeks
Gender :: Boy!
Belly Growth :: 41 in.
Maternity Clothes :: Long live maternity leggings! 
Belly Button In or Out :: In
Sleep ::  Getting worse. It is very hard to get comfortable these days. I can't imagine what it will be like at 38, 39, 40 weeks.. yeesh!
Best Moment this Week :: Feeling tiny baby flutters for the first time! It was just as amazing as everyone always told me it would be and definitely my favorite part of pregnancy so far! It also happened on the fourth of July so what better way to celebrate than with fireworks on the inside!
Miss Anything :: Cooler weather! These 90 - 100 degree days are getting too hot for this momma.
Movement :: The tiniest flutters :) ... In fact, I laid in bed a few days last week extra long in the mornings just to lay there and enjoy feeling him kick.
Cravings :: I really think for me these were a bigger part of my first trimester when I was feeling pretty nauseous and could only really get down whatever sounded good to me. It feels great to be able to try and eat as healthy as I can and get back on more of a normal cooking routine but I won't turn down a swirl cone from Tastee Treat. ;) 
Feeling and Emotions :: Giddy that I can now feel our little boy. It finally feels really REAL! 
Looking Forward to :: Our yard being finished and to put together the dresser that we plan to also use as a changing table in the nursery!

fourth of July {2014}

Thinking back to last summer's 4th of July, Nic and I spent the evening laying under the stars at the fair grounds, just the two of us, waiting for the firework show to begin and reminiscing about finally searching for our first house and the likeliness that we would be pregnant next year on the fourth. Well, here we are a year later... a beautiful new house to come home to after the firework show and a little one on the way. Life is definitely wonderful! :)  

And to make it even more wonderful, there is nothing like starting the festivities with yummy fruit pizza in the shape of a flag. Boom!

In the morning, we headed to the Pocatello Parade and found the perfect spot in the shade. This year's theme for the floats was past, present, and future. There were so many great ones but probably one of my favorites was a big wood panel flag on one side with black and white pictures of local community members from the past and present on the other side. I didn't manage to get a picture of that one, the kids in the front were going too crazy for the candy haha, so you will just have to take my word for it. 

The one bummer about moving from our apartment is that we no longer live right up by the fairgrounds within walking distance like we had for the last three years so rather than battling the crowds of cars at the end of the night, we decided to find a remote little street on the edge of town that practically had a straight shot view of the whole show. We sat in our car and listened to the presentation and songs that go along with the show and watched it with the windows rolled down. It turned out great! And this year of course we talked about what it will be like to be witnessing the 4th through the eyes of an 8 month old little boy next year. ;)

And to top it all off, this little boy sort of stole the firework show when he I felt tiny little flutters for the first time! ;) Pure magic!

Hope you all had a safe, happy, and fun Fourth! xo

21 weeks

I just wanted to start off by saying that I can't thank you all enough for all of the sweet messages and congrats we have received over the last week!! I just want to give everyone I hear from a big hug! Nic and I couldn't be more excited to welcome a little boy into our family. I shared a few thoughts about our ultrasound last week in the reveal post but just had a couple more that I left out and wanted to write down now.

One thing our ultrasound taught me is that I never realized how iffy a due date really is. I mean, I knew that the chances of the baby coming RIGHT on the exact date the doctor gave us was pretty unlikely but I didn't realize how up in the air it can be (at least that has been my experience anyway). Our doctor is set on going off of the date based on my last period which I believe is inaccurate and too soon because we didn't start trying until a couple of weeks later than that. My ultrasound however, showed the baby's measurements matching up with right about 20 weeks last week which would put me about 3 weeks off from the doctor's date. So we asked the doctor at our 5 month appointment the day after the ultrasound and he said that he doesn't trust those measurements to be completely accurate and that it would be better to stick with the original date and go off of my last period. So WHO KNOWS! haha Basically that little explanation was to clarify the fact of why I decided to skip last week's update and make this 21 weeks instead. :) Somewhere right in the middle of the doctor and the ultrasound and then maaaaaybe, just maybe my updates will be somewhat on track with when this little babe will actually grace us with his presence. 

Since it has been a couple weeks since my last update I just have to say those 14 or however many days have been complete bliss. I feel like I am riding this emotional high after finally getting to see our baby boy and know for a fact that this is definitely all real! It was so fun to have some of his ultrasound pictures printed and putting them up on fridge to look at each day. I about died at his little foot picture when she told us it is measuring in at a little over 3 centimeters. 3 CM! Even though he is still teeny, it makes me so happy to know that he is growing healthy and strong by the day!

How Far Along :: 21 weeks
Gender :: Boy!
Belly Growth ::  40.5 in.
Maternity Clothes :: This belly is mostly in maternity shirts now but I still have several pants that fit! Don't get me wrong though, I do have a pair of maternity leggings that are on repeat if I spend the day at home. They are SO comfortable!   
Belly Button In or Out :: In
Sleep :: Depends on the day but finding myself using and loving the snoogle pillow more and more! 
Best Moment this Week :: Ultrasound!
Miss Anything :: Sleeping on my tummy...
Movement :: Still haven't felt anything yet. I have been especially surprised about this after seeing our little boy wiggling and squirming all over the place on the ultrasound.
Cravings :: Swirl ice cream cone!
Feeling :: Some back pain which I believe is a result of wonky sleeping. I can't get comfortable on my back anymore, haven't ever been much of a side sleeper, and can't sleep on my stomach anymore so I think I contort myself around that snoogle pillow and end up in some funky positions to get comfortable. 
Emotions :: Happy :)
Looking Forward to :: Celebrating the fourth of July tomorrow! Nic has the day off work and we don't have a ton of plans so we get to just have fun together and play the day by ear, just how I like it! Bring on the parade, flag fruit pizza I made this afternoon, yummy chicken burgers for dinner, and lots of fireworks! Oh and the sparklers too, they are my favorite! :)