the first three weeks

Liam turned three weeks old already on Monday. All I can think to myself is where has the time gone? I imagine I'll be saying that a lot as a parent. I've spent the last few days thinking about these first three weeks, replaying them over and over again in my head, and trying to figure out how I can put them into words. They have been equally the hardest and best of my life and I think Nic would say the same. So so special to me.

As I mentioned here, our little guy surprised us and came two weeks early and while I was considered full term at the time and many women safely deliver babies at 38 weeks, his birth came with complications for the both of us. By the fourth day, my complications were under control and I was discharged from the hospital but Liam spent the first 10 days of his life in the NICU with what felt like hurdle after hurdle to jump. Those are 10 days that even now, I have a really hard time going back and thinking about. They are filled with very raw and personal feelings which is why I won't be sharing more about them here. Just know that my heart goes out to any mom who has to leave the hospital without their baby for any length of time.

The days that followed since have been filled with pure sleepless bliss. Our first night that we brought him home from the hospital, I don't think either of us got a wink of sleep. Every coo, sigh, toot, noise startled us awake to check on him. It was my constant worry that somehow the blanket I had tightly swaddled him in would creep up close to his face making it so that he wouldn't be able to breathe. The next two nights I tried a velcro swaddle me sleeper and while it eased my nerves about him suffocating in the middle of the night... he hated them! We have since learned that he has to have his hands out of his blanket and up against his face to soothe himself. Isn't that the funny thing about being a new mom and dad? Trying everything until you find something that works for your baby. We've done the same with just about every bottle type there is... Avent, Tommy Tipee,  Medella... until finally settling on the Munchkin Latch bottle. As I predicted, night time feedings are the hardest and have been the biggest adjustment but those sighs with each gulp, just him and I surrounded in the quiet that night brings, and that milk drunk smile at the end make it totally worth every second of missed sleep. And when he falls asleep on our chests... pure heaven.

I guess what I am trying to say is that it has only been three weeks but we already can't imagine our lives without him!